Wednesday, June 22, 2011

How to Install a Southern Security System

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine. 

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines. 

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: 


Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. 

Better wait outside. Be right back. 

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